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How can you run a sprint when you are looking back?

little girl running, daisies, nature

Childhood

I never had a happy family and this fact somehow left a lasting scar over all the happy memories I had. But this wasn’t the way I always perceived my family. I had a younger sister whom I adored and working parents who would leave us with a caretaker. Both we sisters were used to taking care of ourselves as we never got enough time from our parents. We used to get done with all our chores and wait for our parents to return back home and spend time with us. We didn’t spend much time together but I was content with the fact that all of us were together. 

Quest for love and warmth

The routine remained the same for a few years until a time when everything changed for us. I remember that our parents had planned a dinner together. It was unusual as we rarely got a chance to dine in together. The table was full of our favorite delicacies and both we sisters were delighted. In the middle of it, however, our father broke in the most difficult news to us. “From now on mom and I won’t be staying together” My mom started crying the minute, he revealed this to us. We were taken by shock after hearing this. Neither my sister nor I  could see it coming. Apparently, my father was involved with some other woman and this was the reason for my parent’s separation.

The Big Change

In the span of a day, our life changed drastically. My mom’s attitude changed immensely post my father left the house. She was betrayed and had a house to run. Leaving us as our father did was not an option for her but her approach towards us changed miserably. She was an unhappy woman and spent most of the time outside the home. My sister and I did not get any family time. Both of us were in the quest for some warmth in our growing years. 

Rising Insecurities

I was a studious student. However, my insecurities rose to such an extent that I got involved in all the bad habits. I had become a chain smoker at the age of 19. All my relations suffered to a great extent. I had lost trust in relationships and would always come out as a brat. May it be a relation with a friend or a colleague, I always found it difficult to maintain a bond. As a result, I found myself alone all the time. And was never happy with my company. My career was my only motivation to get up and hustle.

adverse state

Seeing me in this adverse state, my sister took me to a number of counselors. She wanted me to have normal relationships with people and a positive outlook towards life. However, I discontinued going to all of them. I couldn’t open up about my insecurities to any of them. When I came to my hometown, here in Nagpur in my summer holidays, my sister urged me to take up counseling from Z-Edge.  Like any other counseling center, I came to Z-edge with the same laid-back approach.

Seeking help

My sister had booked an appointment with Renu ma’am. In the initial sessions, I tried hard to be rock solid and not open up to her but it wasn’t for long. She asked just the right questions and gave me tips and guidance to build a healthy bond with not just others but myself too. She said, “how can you run a sprint when you are looking back? Whatever happened was in the past. Don’t give your past relations the power to lose your present relations”. Renu ma’am reminded me of all the innate qualities I had as a teen. In one of her sessions, I burst out crying and shared with her every pain that I experienced. She helped me release my emotions.

A Lasting difference

Renu ma’am helped me find the former Misha. One that lost herself in the quest for love and comfort of a family. She made me realize the importance of relationships and helped me build some strong ones. Today, I am a legal advisor in one of the leading companies. I am in a happy marriage, and out of all the habits that once ruined me. I still take help and guidance from Renu ma’am but there is a huge amount of difference in the Misha that met Renu ma’am for the first time. And for this, I shall forever be grateful to her.

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