fORMER Confident self

“I didn’t find myself worthy enough to be in a happy relationship. I blamed myself for everything wrong and often got into a spiral of pessimism.”A young married woman tells her journey of coming out strong and learning to value herself after abuse at home. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, abuse at work, or abuse in any relationship gets a perspective from this story, read to know more.

I belonged to an affluent family. Being the youngest of all  I was the most pampered child. I was a confident and aspirant individual. I had larger-than-life dreams and goals. And always had in me to work towards them. My family too was ready to give me full support. But they had this one condition in return. They wanted me to marry a person of their choice. My family had done a lot for me and I trusted their decision. And so, I knew it would be the best thing for me and never denied it. 

Cooking different dishes and seeing people smile while having it was my favorite sight. I enjoyed making a variety of dishes for my loved ones and wished to have my own dining one day. I took up all the learnings to become an A-grade chef. My dream however was to be the chef of my own dining. Post my learnings, I disclosed my dream to my family. They knew I had the flair needed and assured me of full assistance. However, my dad wanted to get me married first. Since I had come of age, I agreed with him.

sTARTING A NEW LIFE

My father then started searching for an ideal match. He wanted a person that would respect both me and my dreams. After a few months finally, he found a match for me. Dhanush was an architect. Was a good-looking individual and boasted about his forward-thinking. In our first meeting, I wanted to know his take on an independent woman. His answer was the reason I agreed to marry him.

Opening my own dining after marriage was the father-daughter covenant and I was happy about it. I got married within a year itself. Dhanush’s family was amongst the well-known families of the city. The initial month was good. It passed in me getting to know his family well.

eXPERIENCING THE ADVERSITY OF ABUSE

Once the sparkle of our new marriage got settled, I started working towards my dream. However, whenever I tried taking a step towards it, I was given some of the other tasks by my in-laws. I did all of it initially but slowly I realized that it was done on purpose. It felt like they never wanted me to have something of my own. One day, I decided to clear the air with my mother-in-law. I shared what I wanted to achieve, I expected a positive response. But she said she wouldn’t allow me to do something on my own. Realizing this, I couldn’t help but break into tears.“You will learn to settle eventually” is what she said. 

That day, I waited desperately for Dhanush to come home from work. I expected him to understand me. Post dinner I remember starting a discussion with him. I shared what had happened during the day. “What’s there to cry?” he said. “We have our own business to run, you can help us with it”. Hearing this from him made me feel miserable. I told Dhanush, how important it was for me to start my own restro. And yet his answer remained the same. It wasn’t that I had not mentioned my dream before our marriage. He knew about every desire of mine. All of this made me anxious and angry. I decided to follow my dream and not fall prey to what they expected out of me.

tAKING STAND FOR MYSELF

Doing this wasn’t easy. It was like going against the entire family. It was like every member of their family was trying their best to go against me.My relations with Dhanush too suffered miserably. We fought every single day. I felt like running away from the house. The petty fights now became more cruel. Dhanush and I didnt need any reason to fight. He started drinking abnormally and picked up a fight on petty issues. The verbal fights started getting physical. The other members of the family made the place a living hell for me. 

My father on the other hand, was with the belief that I am happy. I didn’t want to hurt him and so I never told my condition. But this bubble burst when he gave me a surprise visit. He could evidently see that I wasn’t happy. He asked me what happened and I burst out crying. I told him everything and he couldn’t help but take a stand for me. He took me back with him.

This too was unacceptable for Dhanush’s family. They did everything possible from dominating messages to threat calls, to bring me back. Fortunately my family stood by me like a solid rock and Dhanush and his family had to withdraw finally. 

mY INTRODUCTION TO COUNSELLING

The dust had settled for both the families but all these incidents wretched me inside out. I had lost the confidence to strive towards my dream. I didn’t find myself worthy enough of being in a happy relationship. My family tried hard to make me happy but nothing worked. I couldn’t find a way for myself. 

Seeing me in this state, one of my friends asked me to meet a good counselor. I somehow agreed with her.  I knew I needed help and so I started searching for a counselor.

That was when I was introduced to Z-edge. In the first call with the firm itself, I gained the confidence that their team could help me find light. I fixed an appointment with Renu ma’am through one of their counsellors. Session with her was a laid back conversation about me. In the first meet itself I could speak about what all I went through in the past year. It was a different experience altogether. Renu ma’am knew exactly what went wrong in my case. She knew the exact healing that I needed.

rECOVERING FROM THE TRAUMA

I booked more sessions with her as I knew that my process had to be gradual. For I had gone through a lot in a short span. The more time I gave myself through these sessions, the better I found myself to be. Renu ma’am held me through my worst time in the most appropriate way. 

Unlike before I could talk about my feelings in front of my near and dear ones. If it hadn’t been these sessions, I wouldn’t be able to vent out  in front of my loved ones.Now they too knew what messed things up for me. And thus knew how to help me.

Not just me, my entire family shall always be grateful to Renu ma’am. She gave me the confidence to get back to my life. She made me understand that one bad incident in life cannot define your life. And this changed my perspective.

Post my therapy, I gradually went back to giving myself to my former dreams. I opened up my restaurant and am living my dream. It wouldn’t have been possible for me to gather the spirit for this without those therapeutic sessions with Renu ma’am. If you are going through anything similar, I request you to not wait for things to get worse and reach out to people that can help you. 

If you feel you need to talk to someone, simply add your details to get a different perspective to your emotional struggles.

Also Read Have a better life with an Optimistic Approach and How to make a choice?

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