dISSATISFIED SELF

I belonged to a middle-class family. My father earned decent pay and my mother was a housewife. I was a noncooperative son as a youngster and often misled myself into dark things. Why such misconduct? It was because I was always dissatisfied with who I was and what I had.

My father, a government official had a simplistic approach to life. He didn’t expect anything more than what he worked for. Both my mother and father did all they could to provide me with a stable brought up. My parents invested well in my education and expected me to become a government official too. However, I had larger-than-life goals. I often got carried away with the life of kids who belonged to affluent families. I always wished to be around them to experience their lifestyle. 

GETTING INTO THE LOOP OF COMPARISON

With the same motive, I became friends with a boy who belonged to an opulent family. Amar had everything I ever wanted. He had a perfect personality, perfect friends, a personal vehicle to his service, and access to all the luxuries of life. One thing although he didn’t have was the love and attention of his family.

Amar and I became best friends by senior year. We indulged in all the wrong practices and had a gala time throughout. My parents warned me of the results of leading such a life but I paid no heed. I spent days at Amar’s place and didn’t care about my family. Being with Amar was a distraction from my life. A life that I never wanted. The time I spent with my family, used to shell out with me giving a hard time to my parents with all the comparisons. I blamed my parents for not being good enough and they expected nothing good out of me. My mother however always said that “Time will come when you will have to face reality and you should be ready for it”. 

DEALING WITH REALITY

Soon came the day of last semester. Both Amar and I failed miserably in it. Our parents were highly disappointed. However, how they dealt with their disappointment was completely different. Amar’s dad settled his degree and sent him abroad. But I was left back here to face the reality. It was a miserable time. Both my parents had left hope and did not expect anything from me. Life was still as luxurious for Amar but it wasn’t the case for me. I kept on with all the inferior practices and things just worsened. I was still in the loop of comparison and did not expect anything to work on my own. 

Seeing me in this condition, my mother put her foot down. She knew I needed aid from outside and that I needed to reflect upon my thoughts. Seeing me in a despairing state, she knew I needed to see a counsellor. She along with my father searched for the best counselling center and introduced me to Z-Edge. Convincing a stubborn person like me to get counselling wasn’t easy. But looking at what I had made out of my life, I had no choice. 

 

MY INTRODUCTION TO COUNSELLING

 My parents had fixed an appointment with Renu ma’am. Listening to the gist of my doings, the fellow councilors had advised my parents to come along too. I personally did not believe that any type of help could alter my approach towards life or could show me a path. For me, counseling with my parents would just make things worse. I imagined the session to be a series of lectures on how I can be a better person. But I was proved wrong in the first meeting with Renu ma’am itself. To my surprise, Renu ma’am wanted to hear what I wanted to say. She listened to me patiently and inquired about various junctures of life. She made sure that my parents too listened to what I wanted to say. But as I shared with her the various stages of my life, I realized how wrong I was. 

TAKING CHARGE

 I realized how better my life could have been if I hadn’t compared my reality with someone else’s. A few sessions were about me. Here I was given a chance to open up and speak my heart out. Only when I was done, Renu ma’am and I started to have conversations about me. She helped my parents express their point of view and I couldn’t help but agree.

Post the initial appointments with my parents, I took up one on one sessions with Renu ma’am. Together with Renu ma’am, I reflected on all the past events where I compared my life and myself to someone else’s. Simple questions like “what’s my favorite color” too had an answer similar to Amar’s. I didn’t even have an authentic answer to what my likes and dislikes were. This was a great reality check given to me by Renu ma’am. I understood that my thoughts and approach needed proper conditioning. 

BECOMING THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF

“The only way you can get out of the loop of comparison is by being the best version of yourself,” said Renu ma’am. Today I am on the path of discovering my strengths and weaknesses. I haven’t stopped taking sessions with Renu ma’am as I still need her guidance to become my best selF. However with my experience by far I can definitely say that I can achieve everything I want by getting closer to my best version. I couldn’t have started this journey without counseling. And for that, I thank Renu ma’am and Zedge.